A Piece Of Shit
My father returned from the meeting of parents & teachers and brought me the following news:
* I'm failing Physics & Maths
* 2 from behaviour is awaiting me cuz I'm an arrogant bitch
* I'm a slacking fuck who's skipping way too much
* If I fail the 3rd grade, I can't do maturita, I must repeat the whole year (1 more year there - please, just kill me~)
* If I can't do maturita & end up with not even the maturita paper, I can go clean shitty toilets or sell my body or wash the dishes or tide up autumn leaves at streets
* Forget Cenfad, forget your design, forget all your bungalows in Thailand, personal cooks, Baldinini heels, Connemara ponies, elegant white kitchens, mahogany floors, creamy white silky curtains, Shiseido & Kenzoki cosmetics, as many books & CDs as possible, FORGET ALL YOUR DREAMS, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!
I hate myself, I really fucking do. I've always thought how kool am I, how intelligent am I, how strong & nice & loveable am I and now I've finally woken up and saw the truth.
The truth is this:
I AM AN ARROGANT TOO SELF-CONIDENT DUMB LAZY IRRESPONSIBLE BITCH WHO DESERVES TO DIE & STOP ANNOYING THE OTHERS.
I won't go wail to anyone about this.
Don't even leave comments on this entry - I don't deserve 'em.
I deserve to fucking die & not poison this air anymore - I'm a pain in the ass to my whole family. Seven fucking years I were annoying my grandma & uncle, they had to tutor me....as you'd expect...with NO RESULT. I'm still getting 4 (D) from Maths & Physics. That means no brains at all - I'm as fucking stupid as some Jessica Simpson or any of those brainless bitches I've been despising all the time - until now when I've realized that I AM ONE OF THEM.
If I don't fucking start to STUDY now, I'm in the deepest shit of all.
My family is so good & intelligent - they all are with IQ at least 140, uni diploma (PhD.!), money, success, brains (esp my uncle who's a scientist) & a future.
I'm the black sheep, the shit, I'm the one who is different, stupid, IQ maybe 45, no money, no future, no brains & possibly not even one fucked up maturita paper.
I'm utterly disappointed in myself.
I hate myself for who I am - all this shit I am in is MY OWN fucking mistake.
If I ever want to even get to the maturita, I must start to STUDY. Fuck. STUDY. STUDY. STUDY!!!! I'll study until I get nuts and die from that - it's the only thing I deserve anyways! >_< *bangs head on the wall*
Why do I have a boyfriend & friends?
I don't deserve them.
I deserve to rot in a shitty hole, that's it. Guys, I love you all with my whole heart but I'm a piece of stinky shit so please understand that I don't deserve you. I deserve to die alone while washing a shitty toilet on the railway station at some village with 500 inhabitants who'll all call me a shitty whore.
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.