Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A Piece Of Shit

My father returned from the meeting of parents & teachers and brought me the following news:

* I'm failing Physics & Maths
* 2 from behaviour is awaiting me cuz I'm an arrogant bitch
* I'm a slacking fuck who's skipping way too much
* If I fail the 3rd grade, I can't do maturita, I must repeat the whole year (1 more year there - please, just kill me~)
* If I can't do maturita & end up with not even the maturita paper, I can go clean shitty toilets or sell my body or wash the dishes or tide up autumn leaves at streets
* Forget Cenfad, forget your design, forget all your bungalows in Thailand, personal cooks, Baldinini heels, Connemara ponies, elegant white kitchens, mahogany floors, creamy white silky curtains, Shiseido & Kenzoki cosmetics, as many books & CDs as possible, FORGET ALL YOUR DREAMS, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!

I hate myself, I really fucking do. I've always thought how kool am I, how intelligent am I, how strong & nice & loveable am I and now I've finally woken up and saw the truth.

The truth is this:

I won't go wail to anyone about this.
Don't even leave comments on this entry - I don't deserve 'em.
I deserve to fucking die & not poison this air anymore - I'm a pain in the ass to my whole family. Seven fucking years I were annoying my grandma & uncle, they had to tutor you'd expect...with NO RESULT. I'm still getting 4 (D) from Maths & Physics. That means no brains at all - I'm as fucking stupid as some Jessica Simpson or any of those brainless bitches I've been despising all the time - until now when I've realized that I AM ONE OF THEM.

If I don't fucking start to STUDY now, I'm in the deepest shit of all.
My family is so good & intelligent - they all are with IQ at least 140, uni diploma (PhD.!), money, success, brains (esp my uncle who's a scientist) & a future.
I'm the black sheep, the shit, I'm the one who is different, stupid, IQ maybe 45, no money, no future, no brains & possibly not even one fucked up maturita paper.

I'm utterly disappointed in myself.
I hate myself for who I am - all this shit I am in is MY OWN fucking mistake.
If I ever want to even get to the maturita, I must start to STUDY. Fuck. STUDY. STUDY. STUDY!!!! I'll study until I get nuts and die from that - it's the only thing I deserve anyways! >_< *bangs head on the wall*

Why do I have a boyfriend & friends?
I don't deserve them.
I deserve to rot in a shitty hole, that's it. Guys, I love you all with my whole heart but I'm a piece of stinky shit so please understand that I don't deserve you. I deserve to die alone while washing a shitty toilet on the railway station at some village with 500 inhabitants who'll all call me a shitty whore.



Anneesa said...

You are a silly girl you know that? You are not stupid :P

I shall dedicate an entire post to you, so hang on there okay?


Anonymous said...

Ahh, Mich. If your IQ was 45, you wouldn't even be able to form coherent sentences that are longer than 6 words. XD

I went through a phase like that in high school. T_T Seriously, my Trigonometry teacher probably felt sorry for me so she gave me a 75. Here in the Philippines, 75 is the passing mark. Get a 74, and you flunk. Imagine what it would've been like if I got a 74... I wouldn't have graduated on time. T_T I wouldn't have gotten my laptop, I wouldn't have my blog, I wouldn't be what I am today. So I am very thankful that I had a nice Trigo teacher. =P

But the moral lesson of this story is... Things will always get better. ^^ Even when you think your life is crap. It isn't. When you've hit rock bottom, there's no other way to go but up. ^^

Just cheer up... Try to fix things as early as possible before things get worse. At least you realized you did something wrong... Now's the time to do the right thing. ^^ (Yeah, I told myself the same thing exactly 2 years ago. ._.)

Hwaiting! :D

- Justine ^^

munie said...

hey hun. do be so hard on yourself. u'll be fine. study well okay? knock 'em dead! :D we'll all be here for u! *promise*

take care ok. relaxxxx.... *BUG HUGS*

Princess Mich said...

MUNIE: Aiyah, I hope I'll be fine but WHAT IF NOT?! I'll try to study hard - but I don't wanna...I love my lazy life....if only I could continue it! *sigh*

JUSTINE: Thanks a lot....your comment cheered me up a bit - your story had a happyend so I hope that mine will have one too! ^___^ Your Trigo prof good! I hope my Maths & Phy profs will be like that or else... *takes out katana*

CHEVVYNESS: Ray? You? Since when you have a Blogger blog? O_o Must go see it. ^^

Anneesa said...

LOL.I change my nick from Sminky to Chevvyness. LOL. Sorry for the confusion.

Princess Mich said...

DUCKY SIS: Oooooohhhh! That's you! ^____^ I thought it's Ray cuz he's rather CHEWful. Hihihi. :P