Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sail Away From Each Other

Once upon a time we had a lot to fight for
We had a dream,we had a plan
Sparks in the air we spread a lot of envie
Didn't have to care once upon a time

Remember when I swore
That love was never ending
That you and I would never die
Remember when I swore
We had it all
We had it all

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, the night is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

Once upon a time we used to burn candles
We had a place to call a home
The dream that we lived
was better than divine
Everyday was like a gift
Once upon a time

Remember when you swore
Your love was never ending
That you and I would never die
Remember when you swore
We had it all
We'd never fall

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, twilights calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

No reason to lie
No need to pretend
I'm gratefull to die
To live once again
I'm fearless to fly
And reach for the end
And reach for the end

Sail away

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, the night is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

Sail away
The night is calling my name
Sail away

It's over with us..
Now we shall go separate ways and if we meet one day...let it be. Be happy, Raymond. This is probably the last time I'm typing your name, the last day when we chatted, the last day of me hearing your voice & you hearing mine... It was beautiful with you & I'm thankful for everything you've ever done for me..I won't try to erase you from my memory - I'll let it all fade away by itself.

I've ripped all the photos already, collected the letters and packages and threw it away.
Now all what's left is to give away the CD, the t-shirt, the hoody, the necklace, the bracelet, the hairpin, the book and the fluffy notebook..
I won't sell it - it's like selling our past love for money, you know?
In your memory I'll give out the things to the poor & needy.
Photos in my mobile phone are already deleted. It was painful, every photo I wanted to delete I had to see first.... Our happy faces... You sleeping... You kissing my cheek...

It disappoints me that after today you wish not to contact me anymore. It saddens me that you wish not to keep me in your MSN... I'll keep you..and one day when you feel like coming to me & talking as a friend, I'll welcome you with opened arms.

I know we no longer loved each other and this will relieve us greatly. It's still sad to break up... We've shared lifes for 11 months and I remember the early stages of our relationship - it was beautiful, lovely, romantic, was something I wish you experience again with someone else, someone better than me, someone who deserves your love & care.

Writing out all this really helps me...this is the purpose of a's like a therapy for me. I write out my heart & hopefully get some feedback from friends.

I wonder if I have to delete the link for the Mich-Ray blog?
Oh, what a long time ago it was when we're setting it up....we weren't a couple then, I was still with Pom and at that times you've asked me whether I'd want to get my 1st kiss from a boyfriend or from someone else than him.
I answered "from my boyfriend of course" and you then revealed your feelings to me... You see? I still remember it as if it was yesterday.

I know you're not reading this entry, I know you don't want to recall my name anymore. It's wise although bitter.

You said I should consider all our relationship just as a bittersweet dream...but you know what? I can't do that. I've learnt many things from you and I hope that you've learnt something from me as well. The times with you were priceless... In Malaysia I felt like home..I felt free, happy, beautiful, perfect...I was in love and I was crazily happy.
That all was thanks to you. Without you I wouldn't have experienced such - so let me thank you for that..

You was my first real boyfriend. The 1st guy who has ever kissed me. The 1st guy who has ever hugged me. The 1st guy who has ever held my hand.
You know how I felt when you held my hand for the 1st time? Like in a crazy dream. I was telling myself - "Oh my god...he's holding my hand! He! This Ray! This Ray I've known thru the net!"

All this joy is past. The past we had in Malaysia & few months after that. It's no longer like longer the happiness.
A long time ago it got screwed up...and who knows why...
I feel like blaming myself for I know I've changed. The other part of me is saying that it's not just my mistake, that you have a part in it too..

No matter. We're over & a long time ago was over our love.
However, I still care for you. I want the best for you... I don't deny you still have a place in my heart - as a friend I hope. One-sided friendship? Sounds pathetic.

Forget all girls, forget me, forget all the pain..
Move on with your life & be happy.
I want you to smile, I want you to do well in school, go study to the UK...I want you to hang out with friends often, finish your school with As and get a well-paid job so you can make all your dreams come true.
Practice guitar and get better....maybe one day I'll see you in a music magazine & I'll know it's you and I'll be proud of you..

Take a break from all the women and one day find someone who'll love you more than I did, more than anyone...find someone who'll love you forever, care for you, always be by your side & never...NEVER leave you.
I wonder who'll be the lucky one.
Tell me then, okay? I'd love to see your wedding then - be it in 15 years from now, no matter! I'd love to see you smiling & in love with a beautiful bride by your side...a future mom of your children and a woman of your life.

Thank you for everything you've ever done for me..
Thank you for being in my life..
Thank you for letting me experience all what I did..
Thank you for all the kisses, hugs, cuddling, touches, caressing..
Thank you for loving me..
Thank you for all the gifts, for all the money you've spent at me even despite not having enuff for yourself..
Thank you for encouraging me & supporting me all the way..

Let's meet one day and smile together at our past love.. I wonder if we aren't supposed to be together later one day - who knows.
As I promised, I'll ring you up when I'm in KL one day. Come with your girlfiend then, alright?

I hope we will meet one day again.


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